My story is a tale of twos. Two pregnancies. Two unexpected preterm labors. Two hospital bed rests. Two little preemies. Two NICU stays. Two very different journeys.

Hi, I’m Dana and I’m little preemie mama.

My motherhood journey began on Memorial Day in 2018, when I saw the little positive sign on my pregnancy test. My husband and I were vacationing in Jamaica earlier that year and decided we’d go off of the pill and see what the universe had in store for us. To our surprise and delight, we were blessed to get pregnant quickly. My pregnancy was very normal and I was healthy. I followed all the rules on what to eat and not eat, what to do and not do. I had regular appointments with my OBGYN that went well, all blood work came back fine, the ultrasounds looked good, and absolutely nothing occurred that would indicate that I’d be at risk of anything out of the ordinary. Fast forward to 28 weeks pregnant. It was November and I was due January 31st. I woke up on a Monday morning, took a shower, and TMI, but it felt like I peed a little unexpectedly in the shower. I didn’t feel like anything was wrong and was not in pain - but in an abundance of caution, my husband took me to the hospital to get checked out. Thankfully, it was not amniotic fluid so my water did not yet break; however, when they strapped the blue and pink bands around my belly, they asked if I felt anything. I didn’t. They told me I was having regular contractions, 3 minutes apart. The doctor on call then did a cervical check, and I was 2.5 cm dilated, 90% effaced. I remember asking “Is that normal?”, and the doctor said, “No, I would expect you to be 0 cm dilated, 0% effaced.” Next thing I knew, I was being admitted to the L&D floor of the hospital, hooked up to monitors, and given magnesium for my baby’s brain and steroid shots for my baby’s lungs. I remember saying, “Well wait - the baby isn’t coming right now though, right?” And the nurses telling me, “We are doing everything we can to keep your baby inside of you!” That was a heavy dose of reality - that for some unknown reason, and despite my pregnancy being ‘normal,’ there was a chance my baby would arrive much earlier than expected. I ended up spending two weeks in the hospital on bed rest before my water broke. About 3 hours later and 10 weeks early, my beautiful son, Palmer, was born at 3 lbs 11 oz. He was our 30 week 4 day miracle!

As first time parents, and having our baby immediately admitted into the NICU, we were mostly in a daze for the first few days - everything was moving fast, I didn’t understand who all the people were who I met in the NICU and why there were so many different medical professionals involved, and truthfully, I was still very much stuck in a mindset of ‘Why did this happen? Why was he born so early?’ Nobody could answer the why for me - other than to say that there are a number of things it could be, but we may never know for sure. But, you know how they say ignorance is bliss? It was for me and honestly, that was a blessing. What they couldn’t answer, I tried not to focus on, and I also chose not to Google any medical terms as I did not want to go down a worst case scenario rabbit hole. I decided to ask my questions to nurses, and remain as positive as I could given the different developments we were told (which changed daily). Overall, Palmer did quite well in the NICU. He did have to be on the ventilator for a period of time at the beginning, but overall, he rode the NICU rollercoaster with relative ease, and was discharged after 48 days. We took him back to all the developmental clinics each year to check in on his milestones, and he thankfully has progressed and grown without major concerns!

Then came my second pregnancy. My husband and I took many years to figure out if we wanted a second child and we once again decided to go off the pill and leave it in God’s hands - if it was meant to be, it would happen. And it did! I was excited to see that I was pregnant again, but I was also very nervous given what we went through with a first preemie. I’d honestly say my worst fear was to have a second preemie and go through those emotions again. My OBGYN knew my history, knew my concerns, and reassured me that I’d be watched extremely closely in this pregnancy so we could intervene as early as I started showing any signs whatsoever of premature labor. I had almost weekly appointments from 12 until 24 weeks pregnant, and thankfully, I showed no signs at all of cervical incompetence or any signs of preterm labor. I remember my OBGYN telling me at my 24 week appointment that she would see me in 4 weeks, as you would in a standard pregnancy, because everything was looking as it should.

At 25 weeks, I woke up and when I went to the bathroom and wiped, the consistency was slightly like mucus instead of pee. I remember calling my mom and saying I think I’m truly overreacting, and telling my husband that morning that it is me being paranoid - I was just in the doctor last week. Both insisted that I go in just for peace of mind. Sure enough, I went in (all dressed and ready for work) and those darn blue and pink straps got put on my belly and I was contracting every 2 minutes and not feeling it. They were able to perform some type of test to determine that yes, it was in fact preterm labor - and I was going to need magnesium and steroids again to protect my baby. I immediately started crying. I don’t know if I was in denial or what, but I truly did not expect to have a baby even earlier than my first, especially since everything was fine when I was being monitored so closely! I did not know - could a baby even survive if it were to come this early? I was told that they would do all the could to keep that baby inside of me. I spent the next few days on magnesium for the baby’s brain, and steroids for the baby’s lungs, and the medicines were able to get my contractions under control to the point where I was going to be discharged to complete bed rest at home. I literally had the discharge papers in hand and needed to use the bathroom before I was going to leave the hospital, and when I went to use the restroom, I saw lots of blood. They had to hook me back up to the monitors, and sure enough, the contractions started again. We had to start the magnesium all over again. I can truly say the Labor and delivery nurses and doctors were incredible and did all they could to keep my baby in as long as possible; but at 26 weeks on the nose, my second baby decided he could not wait anymore. Max was born 14 weeks early, at only 2lbs 2 oz.

I heard from plenty of friends and family, all well-intended, “Well you had one preemie so at least you know what to expect.” I thought so too, but boy was I wrong. Max’s NICU journey was nothing like Palmer’s. It was dramatic, to say the least. When I tell you that he experienced almost everything that can go wrong with a kiddo born at 26 weeks, he did. His NICU roller coaster was a hell-ride. Name any major organ or body part, Max had complications with it. Brain (hemorrhaging and PVL), eyes (retinopathy of prematurity), nose (nasal breakdown of his septum due to his respiratory support), lungs (multiple times on ventilator), heart (large murmur), blood (multiple transfusions, e Coli, sepsis, staph infection), stomach/bowels (NEC, reflux), bladder/kidneys (multiple bladder infections) - hell, even his circumcision had to be stopped due to complications! I am not saying all of this to complain or for sympathy - but I need to adequately explain how different his experience in the NICU was than Palmer’s, and how each baby’s NICU journey is so unique and cannot be compared, regardless of if you’ve experienced it with a previous baby.

Max spent 100 days in the NICU, and was discharged right before Christmas (a few days after his due date). We thought our journey had ended there, but it had only just begun. I will write a blog post about it - but Max has PVL (periventricular leukamalaysa) in his brain, which is an injury to the white matter of his brain due to his prematurity. After discharge, we followed up with Children’s Hospital’s neurology department, and they explained the risk factors that they were concerned with, including cerebral palsy and other delays. Again - more details to follow in a separate blog, but Max was officially diagnosed with spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy in March 2024. This is a lot of big words that means he has ‘high tone’ in his muscles in his arms and legs. This could mean so many things and there is a wide spectrum of what the future could hold for Max (anything from hardly noticeable muscular differences to the inability to walk). We’ve been taking him multiple times a week to physical and occupational therapies, and it is doing absolute wonders but only time will tell what the outcome of his diagnosis will be. Max is my second miracle baby. I am so proud of both my preemie fighters!

I share all of this detail because my experiences have undeniably changed my life’s lens for the better. Watching my babies being poked and prodded daily, enduring more in their first few months than most people experience in a lifetime, and continue to power through it, has taught me what it means to truly be resilient. Their start to this lifetime as preemies, beating the odds, and persevering through so much adversity, has undoubtedly shaped them and they are made for big things. And I am lucky enough to be their mama, supporting them and loving them through all of life’s challenges to come.

I felt compelled to start this blog to share some of the things I learned through my babies and our experiences in the NICU, in an effort to help support and comfort other mamas going through something similar. Whether your kiddo spends a few hours, a few weeks, or even months in the NICU, it is scary, and stressful, and an absolute whirlwind. But in my experience, it can also be so inspiring watching a miracle develop right in front of your eyes.

So this is for all of us NICU mamas, preemie Mamas, birth trauma-mamas, who are strong beyond measure. We are on this roller coaster ride together.